as a kid, i only saw myself reflected in media a few times, and that was through dora the explorer, pocahontas, aladdin and lilo and stitch. there are some serious problems with at least two of these movies and my family associating baby me with these movies (for example, dressing me up as a native person in elementary school around thanksgiving time while all my white peers dressed up as pioneers/ all my poc peers as natives as well. gross. not to mention aladdin’s weird orientalist fantasy narrative), but despite me reflecting on the negative impacts of those movies on my early understanding of race, there was reasoning behind my family being so eager to have me consume this media—because the characters looked like me.
A photo of me as a baby. I have shoulder length dark brown hair with straight bangs, dark brown eyes, and tan skin. I am wearing a black and white dress while sitting in a white chair. I am staring at the camera with a big smile, mid laughter, while holding a red object in my hand.
A photo of me as a baby. I have short hair with long bangs, with the ends of my hair flipping out away from my face. I am staring at the camera with a surprised expression. I am wearing a white dress and I’m sitting on my knees on the floor. There is a book in front of me that I was turning the page of when this photo was taken.
A photo from the Disney animated movie Lilo and Stitch. Lilo, Nani, her older sister and Stitch are all surfing together in the ocean with large smiles on their faces. Lilo and Nani are tan with dark hair, dark almond-shaped eyes and round noses. Stitch is a blue alien creature that they adopted as a dog from their local animal shelter; he looks a lot like a koala.
we watched lilo and stitch at my work place recently and while i watched lilo as she tried to approach the other girls in her hula class while they peddled away on their bikes, i remembered how much i loved that movie as a kid. the bubbly art style, the witty humor, the squabbling between sisters who are too stubborn to admit that they love each other, lilo’s quirkiness (ie. her love for her doll scrump and stitch) all reminded me of when i was in elementary school and watching the movie on VHS in my living room. i loved her character so much, because she reminded me so much of me.
A photo from the Disney animated movie Moana. Baby Moana is staring at the audience with a concerned expression while holding shells in her arms. She is tan with deep brown eyes and hair, wearing a shell necklace around her neck and a flower in her short hair.
cassie as a kid would’ve also loved seeing moana. i almost broke down in tears a few times during the movie. when i first saw baby moana on screen, i couldn’t help but stare because she looked just like i did when i was born. same nose, same hair, it felt like i was her for a moment. not to mention her relationship with her grandmother! i had a really strong bond with my grandma, so when she was saying her last goodbyes to her, and later when the manta ray shows up in the ocean, i felt so overwhelmed with emotion.
although i am not pacific islander, these movies made me feel like i was home. i think these movies deserve as much praise as they do criticism, because there are definitely things that disney fucked up on, but the impact of seeing these characters on screen will always make me cry. i love them, and i hope more films come out with brown characters at the forefront (with the proper representation!!!) so that little kids can see themselves like how i got to through these beautiful girls.
as per usual, here’s another poem, though much shorter than my last couple of poems!
dora was one of my first friends.
dora was the first person i saw speaking spanish outside of my aunt patsy’s home and my neighborhood.
dora was the first girl i saw with brown skin and brown hair and brown eyes like me.
lilo was the first girl i saw who had my nose and my eyes on a child my age.
lilo was the first time i saw absent parents on screen.
lilo was the first time i saw the older sister acting as a parent, like my sister has to me.
lilo was the first person to teach me that dysfunctional families are more normal than people think.
moana as a baby looked so much like me as a baby, like, if i put a picture of myself as a baby you would think they had drawn me.
moana and her grandmother dancing next to the sea reminded me of home and my grandma’s loving embrace.
moana reminded me that i was a little brown girl, brown child, just like her once.
moana reminded me to look for home in the water.
moana reminded me that i have time to retrace my roots, i just have to look for the signs that lie in the stars.