This is what I call a bathtub movie. Not in a sexual way but in an emotional way. I had to sit behind the class because of the tears. And to top it off, a couple of days prior we had an anti-abortion campaign on campus showing gruesome pictures. I am not claiming any stance, just stating facts… these two girls could’ve been aborted and given no chance but what great humans they turned out to be. I love this movie.

Kimberly and Anais represent every adopted child and/or abandoned child searching for answers. It was truly moving and will be referenced, rewatched and recommended. I sent the twins an email last night to tell them how much the film moved me.

My own Stark lineage is something of a legend that surfaces periodically. I never knew my father and when I met him for the first time at the age of twenty-three I instantly noticed genetic traits in appearance, mannerisms, speech style and meter, vocabulary, passion, the list goes on ad infinitum. I basically felt like I was talking to an older version of myself. Within two hours hundreds of questions were answered.

Legend has it the Stark name was given to John Muirhead by a German General after the general was charged by a bull in a town square in Ireland and nearly trampled to death. John Muirhead grabbed the bull by it’s horns and wrestled it to the ground, saving the general’s life. The general asked the audience the man’s name and they echoed, “Muirhead.”

The German exclaimed, “From this day forward, this man’s family will be known as Stark.”

When I was twenty-three a couple of German girls in Costa Rica asked me why I had “strong” tattooed on my shoulders. I didn’t quite understand until they told me that Stark means strong in German. I was very embarrassed and decided to wear my shirt more often.

Perhaps I never believed the story about my ancestry because I never knew a  male Stark. Because I thought it was impossible. Until a few months ago at a friend’s wedding in Alaska when a friend named Callie Stark, of no relation, took the Bacon name from my friend Andy. For years people have asked Callie if she was my sister, and vice versa… After the ceremony, I spoke with Callie’s uncle who told me his own family history… which also traced back to John Muirhead.  He claimed the Starks had been used since as hired mercenaries who fight in their youth and farm in their elder years. Like my life was predestined before I was born; Is there something in me that is so deeply ingrained that I cannot fight it?

Twinsters brought all of that out of the crevices of my heart. The never ending debate about environment or genetics being more dominant will continue for centuries, but this film shows the astounding similarities between two sisters who never knew the other existed. I will say this about the sisters; they have astounding genes and I hope they are content to meet or not meet their mother.

Margaret Cho

People are many faceted, I am no different. One side of me thinks her mockery of her mother and her trashy “don’t give a fuck” attitude only makes Asian Americans look worse… but the other side wholeheartedly agrees with her and supports her for breaking cultural stereotypes that have been instilled to make them inferior. She does not play the violin and she doesn’t want to. I respect her for that and I can sympathize with her anger. Especially after being told she was too fat faced to be a celebrity. Hollywood is like an evil aunt with too much power creating standards that destroy individuality and uniqueness.

I laughed my ass off at her jokes and felt deep sympathy during her stories. Her mockery of her mother made me love her mother and her use of the word “dyke” was a powerful way to say that words are often misused and what really matters is in the heart. It will take the death of a couple of generations to remove some of these words.

The sitcom, “All American Girl” was basically another Full House or as she put it, Saved by the Gong. I didn’t realize there had never been a show with a Asian American family and it shocked me to realize I had never thought twice about it.

Even though I don’t spend time watching sitcoms (besides Seinfeld, which I recently realized is racist…and X-files…which is racist against aliens…) I wouldn’t go so far as say that I would watch any family sitcom. But I will follow Margaret Cho online and support her as a comedian and hopefully actress.

Forgotten Country

I will not reread this book but will read Catherine Chung’s next novel. The novel dealt with very serious matters in such brief flashes while the entirety of the book was boring and drawn out. I basicaly felt like it was a series of very good short stories that she plopped together instead of weave- which left me unemotional and unattached to any character.

It was basically a story about a girl’s insecurities and jealousy towards her sister while dealing with her father’s sickness and death. Bam! I would be okay with reading an essay or short story about this subject… but a novel… I don’t know…

To me– a self proclaimed scholar and called such by my professors–the dialogue was boring and lifeless and used to fill pages. There needed to be more about Korea and war and less about family drama. From page 136 the book was about father’s cancer and less about heritage and other themes.

With all of that being said, our group discussion was fulfilling, engaging and deep. While I may not have thought the book was powerful before the discussion, I left with the opposite mentality.  Perhaps the book upset me so much because it struck such a powerful subtle chord. Perhaps my own family history of war, abandonment, sibling rivalry, cancer, misogyny and thousands of secrets made me not want to dive into someone else’s darkness. It was like being told to stare into a mirror that reflected my own family, but I didn’t want to.

Maybe I am also jealous of her as a writer. I am an aspiring novelist while she is a novelist with a great debut novel. I continue to criticize my own work so hard nothing comes of it. She took a leap and succeeded.

To go full circle, our discussion made me rethink the novel and made me realize I read the book with an insensitive heart. I saw the characters as only that, fictional characters created by a mathematician. There is way more to it than that. Forgotten Country is a great book by a talented mathematician with true skill as a writer.

Lastly- my mother always said before she died from cancer that all she wanted were two sons because her sisters were so awful. She never went any deeper into it… This book showed me why…