While in this course, I’ve set time aside to look back into my own life as an American raised in Asian culture and wonder, just how far have I come since I first started to learn about my identity.
For those of you who don’t know, my family had me raised around Japanese exchange students, whom I now call my sisters, and will always be to me. For years, I assumed that my family is on the same page as me. That the way that I was being brought up was right and appropriate. It’s only now as an educated adult that I see how wrong I was.
In 2017, I made a promise to my sisters Megumi and Yuka that I would return to Japan in the year 2020 to be reunited with them and that my parents would accompany me. I would be their translator, guide, financial aid, and all around show them just how to function in Japan. But tonight, they told me that they don’t care to go anymore.
Our original promise, so many years ago, was to one day visit Japan and see my sisters. That we would come to their homes like they came to ours. That we would see Japan, eat local food, meet their families, create more memories. That, we would show just how much we loved them…now they don’t care.
When I came to Japan in 2017, just before I left, my sister Yuka told me that she thought that we would never make it to Japan. Those words burned into my soul and left me feeling so much heartbreak that we, that I, never would have made it.
This afternoon I had to leave my parents in disgust after watching my mother bang on a drum that she got from the Puyallup tribe. She was showing off how she could make music with it, banging on it with a drumstick that my father had made for her. I asked her immediately where she had gotten it from. Did she ask for permission? Who had given it to her?
“They gave it to me. They think that I’m Indian.”
Within five minutes I had collected my things and left, not even saying a proper goodbye. The amount of disgust and shame from hearing these words, even correcting her to say Indigenous and being told “no, they think I’m Indian,” nothing could stomach my shame.
I left their house worrying who I am. I’m not like them, absorbing a culture or stealing from it. I’m just a woman that was raised in a culture that they decided was the best for me rather than my blood. Now, how am I supposed to identify when brown faces look at me and say, “why don’t you speak Spanish?”
When I first started to look into the history, etiquette, language, art, film, music, politics, and religions in Japan it wasn’t so that I could stomp around and say “look at all this stuff I know! I’m a Japanese now.” NO. It was so that the day that I went to Japan, that I could understand my sisters and the culture that they raised me in. To try and see what is it that my parents saw in them to make them want to have exchange students in the first place.
Now, with everything I’ve seen and felt, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just thought that all Asians were nerds.
I still have a year to go until its time for me to return and there’s only one question that’s weighing on my mind now. How am I going to tell them that my parents, who made them a promise that they would come to visit them in Japan one day, now don’t care?
Starting out as a small RPG Marker (RPG Tsukūru Dante98) game by Makoto Kedouin while he was in college, the game Corpse Party has started to pick up traction within the macabre gaming world.
Corpse Party tells the story of a group of Japanese high school students that meet after their school’s spring cultural festival. One of the students in the group, Mayu, is transferring to another high school the following day, so she and her friends gather in their classroom to say goodbye. One of her friends, Ayumi, brings out a charm that she found online and asks everyone to follow the ritual. If performed correctly, then all of them will be friends forever. Mayu, Ayumi, their friends Satoshi, Naomi, Seiko, Morishige, and Yoshiki; Satoshi’s little sister Yuka; and their homeroom teacher Ms. Yui all complete the ritual. The ritual itself is a paper doll that they all pull apart at the same time, having a piece of the doll for themselves.
CptKiller. “Who Is Your Favourite Corpse Party Character? | Anime Amino.” Anime | Aminoapps.com, AminoApps, 2 Aug. 2015.
Unfortunately for the group, the ritual wasn’t performed correctly, and the group descends into a crumbling floor below. What follows is the students being split apart from each other and are forced to witness disturbing amounts of gore, death, and finding the remains of other students, as well as their friends.
The amount of horrific situations that the group gets thrusts into only becomes more terrifying through the franchise’s history. For example, the plotline told above only exists as the remake version of Corpse Party. The first game, built in 1996, shortens the list of characters to only five; Satoshi, Naomi, Ayumi, Yoshiki, and Yuka. As if to stay true to the original story, all of the characters added to the game’s story all, one way or another, end up being killed, making their existence in the game at all seem pointless other than to add to the bloodshed. So the question becomes, why create a game only for misery?
Geno. “Corpse Party – XSEED GAMES INVITES PC GAMERS TO BRAVE THE HORRORS – Video Game News.” SCARED STIFF REVIEWS, SCARED STIFF REVIEWS, 2016.
During its early years, Corpse Party remained underground for the most part, only existing online for users that had a PC-9801 system. Over time, the game started to pick up traction among international players as RPG Marker started to become accessible to Chinese, Korean, and English speakers. For overseas players that happened to stable upon Corpse Party, they would use game emulators in order to play the game to its fullest. The use of game emulators and recording devices helped bring Corpse Party into the modern spotlight, leading to a massive launch of the game in 2014 and 2015, when YouTubers started to record and post their emulated gameplay for all to see.
Due to this rise in popularity, more and more viewers, many the same age or younger than the teenagers portrayed in the game itself, were able to gain access to the games. Without any age restrictions to block access to the videos children and adults of all ages were able to witness what happened to these poor souls.
The group of students within school all face different scenarios of horror during their time in Heavenly Host Elementary School, the main setting of the game and playground for the murders, traps, and victims that fall into the “darkening,” all return with different levels of psyche still intact or missing. A perfect example of a student that is affected heavily by the school is Naomi, the game’s main female protagonist in the remake. Originally built in the first game to be displayed as a headstrong, strong-willed character, in the remake Naomi becomes more self-conscious. Her moxy is gone and her dependency on the other characters within the game becomes more pronounced throughout the series.
hotpink-jewel. “Naomi Nakashima – 2008 vs 1996.” DeviantArt, DeviantArt, 3 July 2014.
Naomi suffers from PTSD due to her time within Heavenly Host. In the original Corpse Party, Naomi is lucky enough to not experience any hardships, remaining headstrong until the end of the game and not letting fear get the best of her. In the remake, Naomi quickly is forced to witness and suffer from one of the worst deaths in the game’s history, the death of her best friend Seiko. It’s later revealed in the game that Naomi is the sole cause of Seiko’s death. First believed to be a suicide, through found footage Naomi is seen to be killing Seiko by forcing her to hang herself. Upon learning this, not only does Naomi suffer immense guilt for killing her best friend, she continues to suffer the reality of losing her best friend when she goes home.
Due to Heavenly Host’s curse, no one remembers that Seiko ever existed, causing Naomi to have episodes where she remains catatonic. Naomi’s behavior can be described as violent, motionless, at times rocking herself back and forth or allowing all of her muscles to go lump and hang from their own weight, all signs of extreme grief (Darwin, 176). Due to these episodes, Naomi has to be medicated by her mother and sees multiple therapists, all telling her that it’s just in her head.
Okaminarutofan999. “Seiko Shinohara/Gallery.” Corpse Party Wiki, Fandom.
“20 Quotes from Corpse Party about Fate and Fighting It.” MyAnimeList.net, MyAnimeList, LLC, 23 Oct. 2015.
For many of the viewers that first stumbled upon Corpse Party, through their favorite YouTuber or becoming inspired and playing the full game for themselves, what could playing a game filled with dead bodies, disturbing situations, the sounds of death and dying, and extreme stress do to such a person?
Despite the horrific nature of the games, anime, manga, and movies have been created to add to the game’s lore and to provide fan service to hardcore fanatics. Luckily enough, some of the manga titles were created by Makoto Kedouin himself so his titles can be seen as canon material that never made it into the game. On the other hand, are the anime and movies, which show alternative final endings of the game. In many cases, the episodes include fan service, false relationships, more horrific endings, and killing off of main characters that normally would be protected. Horror porn, essentially.
In the movie’s case, horror is replaced with a need to make everything a jump scare and focuses on the main villains without pointing out just how scary there are. For whatever reason they are made, the movies waste no time bringing more attention to the franchise.
Due to the graphic nature and the need to protect its citizens from such amounts of violence and horrific themes within the game, China’s Ministry of Culture has decided to ban the game completely from the country, as well as 37 other anime and manga. The Ministry of Culture was dissolved in March 2018 and replaced the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, so records of the exact list and whether the anime and manga are still banned have become harder to find.
Works Cited
Darwin, Charles. “Low Spirits, Anxiety, Grief, Dejection, Despair.” The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Chicago, The University of Chicago Press, 1965, pp. 176.
Kerr, Margee. “Memento Mori.” Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear. 1st ed., New York, PublicAffairs, 2015, pp. 146–159.
—.“Wrong Turn.” Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear. 1st ed., New York, PublicAffairs, 2015, pp. 164–179.
After the two weeks Ruma received for bereavement…and Fridays but every day.
I’ve heard of stories like these before. Everything from someone preparing the dead and then preparing their own, to lawyers being sued and fighting for their rights rather than someone else’s.
P. 7
She couldn’t imagine tending to her father as her mother had, serving the meals her mother used to prepare.
When I was about 14 years old I started to cook for myself and by age 15 my mother would expect me to cook for my father. Not because she was too busy, but because she told me that the man must always be fed and she would scold me if I didn’t. I still wouldn’t.
P. 17
He would know nothing of the weeks her mother…items of her mother’s Ruma had kept.
I get that Ruma is upset that her children will never get to meet or talk to their grandmother, but hiding her in this little box and saying “he will never this,” “he will never that,” it just kills her memory more, rather than expressing to them what kind of person she IS and not what he will never know.
P. 20
It was the same hospital where Ruma had been a candy…after Romi broke his arm on a soccer field.
My mom was once a candy striper as well.
P. 21
“You spent three weeks in Italy and all you ate was pizza?” “It was quite tasty pizza.”
Same. While I was in Japan all I wanted was ramen, rice, and sweet drinks.
Hell-Heaven
P. 60
Pranab Chakraborty wasn’t technically my father’s…I was taught to call him Pranab Kaku.
The uncle and aunt that I know the most in my life are actually the children of my grandmother’s best friend. Friendships lasting generations.
P. 62
He was from a wealthy family in Calcutta and had…he lost nearly twenty pounds.
I hate parents that do this so much. They prepare their child for their future career, but not their future well being. Sure, someone can pay for your education, who is going to tell you how to budget your money once you have it?
P. 64-65
…and even in her bleakest hours of homesickness…a single painting hanging on the walls.
I’m not sure if this reference pertains to his family being Muslim, her being of a lower caste, or that she would be treated as an outsider.
P. 68
“In a few weeks, the fun will be over and…Bengali with the exception of her.
I remember my mother-in-law being like this when my boyfriend and I first started dating. Hoping for things to end quickly.
P. 72
In the face of this refusal, Pranab Kaku shrugged, “I don’t care. Not everyone can be ad open-minded as you,” he told my parents. “Your blessing is blessing enough.”
Also,a similar reaction when we started to move in together. My father said yes. They said no.
A Choice of Accommodations
P. 88
“You never know,” Megan said. “A lot of women do things out of character on their wedding day. Even women like Pam.”
I’m guessing that these two have a history together and while there’s nothing wrong with going to an old flame’s wedding if you’re invited, it is wrong to talk about how you know them so well to your current wife/girlfriend.
P. 90
He knew that it was partly out of guilt that she tended…elbow or a hundred-degree fever.
I lean towards the “let your kid eat some dirt,” side, but having a child break out in a fever and general worriment is still important in any good parent.
P.90-91
When he read articles in the newspaper about taxis…holding Monika and Maya by the hand.
My father has this same worry. He would always push my mother and sister to the inside of the street and later would judge my sister’s and I’s boyfriends if they did the same or not.
P. 95
She was the youngest of five children, her father a policeman, her mother a kindergarten teacher.
Both jobs to the community and yet so poorly paid.
P. 100
Only once had Amit worked up the nerve to…was doing and pay them his full attention.
Even though Pam told him no and that things would never work out, I hate this pull, back and forth, between the two of them. They clearly have a connection with each other, but just one that I guess will never be.
Only Goodness
P. 128
He’d pronounced both beverages revolting, preferring…her little brother in name only.
How old was Rahul when he had this first drink? Some children end up craving alcohol from an early age when parents or siblings do this.
P. 129-130
Sometimes Sudha’s father would clip…and tape them to the refrigerator.
For me, it was a 12-year-old girl who could perform surgery on animals and had her degree by age 10.
P. 139
Instead, they were people he met working at the restaurant, people he never bothered to invite home.
My sister had these kinds of people in her life. Most of them were alright, but some of them were into heavy drugs.
P. 142-143
They probably stopped him just for being Indian.
Both my mother and sister were pulled over a few years by an officer in Minnesota because “you don’t look like you can afford this car.”
Nobody’s Business
P. 177
It wasn’t until she wrote out a check for her…in the window of the electric bill she agreed to take on.
I’ve had friends in the past that address themselves with their full name and then nicknames that you end up calling them. In some cases, you don’t learn their full name or actual name until years later. For example, I didn’t know that my grandma’s name was actually Gertrude because, for years, she only answered to Bobbie.
P. 179
“He still doesn’t want to live together until you’re married?” She shook her head. “What does he say?” “That he doesn’t want to spoil things.”
“Spoil things,” is an interesting way of putting it. I’ve heard religions or financial reasons for not moving in together, but spoiling things is a new one. If anything, if you can’t live moving in together, picking out items, and addressing how pays for what, you might not make it once you’ve tied the knot.
P. 182
Paul had walked home, the tie he’d brought for the…the department secretary asked him if he’d fallen in love.
Depression and burn out are some of the hardest things that students have to live through in order to get their degree. I’m not too sure how someone could guess that love could make someone look visually unhealthy, especially with weight loss, but to me, this just adds to the stigma that stress is normal and widely overlooked.
P. 197-198
She told Paul that she was from Vancouver originally…hour ago, I could feel him dripping down my thighs.”
I feel for Deirdre in these moments, wanting to believe that Sang is actually “the other woman,” but lowering herself to counting the time he spent with her is just a waste. Rather than leaving him now, she wants to make it seem like she IS the better of the two. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were dozens of other women who he just texts and flirts with besides them, who also think their relationship is serious.
Part Two: Hema and Kaushik
Once in a Lifetime
P. 225
They became instant friends, spending their days…chair, pushed along the streets in your old pram.
I’ve always found it interesting how these relationships form and then last a lifetime. My mother has this kind of relationship with a woman that I am proud to call my aunt. I wonder if a friendship like this is in my future.
P. 226
I found these clothes ugly and tried to avoid them, but…she’d got from her subscription to Good Housekeeping.
I’ve had a similar experience with this. Once upon a time when I would wear jeans, I got a cut near my knee and wanted to have it sewn shut. Rather than doing this, my mother sewed a big patch right over the knee. I hated it because I thought it was ugly and ended up throwing the jeans away when I found out that she, in fact, ironed the patch on.
P. 229
My mother considered the idea of a child sleeping…married and that this was perfectly normal.
While Hema’s mother is correct that children sleeping alone is an American practice, I don’t find it be cruel and actually better for the child later on in life. I think children need this space away from their parents so they can grow and make their new families, rather than running back to the nest.
P. 235
“I bet most Americans had never even heard of Iran before this,” you said, causing me to feel responsible both for my neighbors’ patriotism and for their ignorance.
I wish that the United States had a better understanding and importance put towards learning about other countries without war having their names appear. I don’t think I would have ever learned about Gandhi if it wasn’t for India’s civil war or about Israel’s and Palestine’s holy war.
Year’s End
P. 256
He had wasted no time giving away her clothes, her handbags, her boxes of cosmetics and colognes.
Greif does a lot of things to people, but after years of marriage and having so many memories, I’ve always thought that it’s wrong for the spouse to throw away all of their physical memories. Their partner is gone, but not all of them has to be.
P. 257
“Be sure to keep my ruby choker and the pearl and…set something aside for the sake of my future happiness.
The family heirlooms I have in my possession have been passed down in a similar way to this, “take what you can before I die and can’t give it to you.” Similar, and hopefully something that Kaushik won’t regret later.
P. 264
He glanced at Chitra, and after some small silent communication…fondness for Johnnie Walker, around me, around anyone.
Having secrets from your spouse, even old habits, tend to come back up in times of stress or depression. While I’m sure that Kaushik’s father has good intentions, it’s bound for disaster later.
P. 270
“And I will be all right?” “What do you mean?” “I…added. “And that we will fall into the swimming pool.”
One of my past professors told me that on her trips to India that she sees men masturbating in the streets, that if you get attacked in the street to scream as loud as you can so other women will run and come to help you. It’s fine if you’re a man, but a woman in India has to be careful. Of course, even in a different country, the fear still travels with her.
P. 273 – 274
Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked when they…in these situations, the better it will be. It’s already good.”
From my experience in Japan, I know that you have to speak the surrounding language as much as possible. You can’t be silent and hope to not the wrong thing. Speaking is the best way to learn a language.
Going Ashore
P. 295
At this restaurant, the waitress knew by now to bring her a bottle of acqua gassata, a half-litre of vino bianco, swiftly to clear the second place setting away.
Unless I’m a very high paying customer or my family owns the restaurant, I don’t know if it’s a good thing for the wait staff to know exactly what you’d like. Too much eating out and wasted money to me.
P. 297
She refused to think of it as an arranged marriage, but…believing Julian would leave his wife, she’s agreed.
While I think that this the best situation for an arranged marriage, especially since they already know each other, having Hema wait for Julian just seems like the marriage isn’t good enough.
P. 298
After nearly a decade, a single phone conversation…her of deceiving him, called her heartless, and then he did not call again.
I find the irony in Julian calling her heartless when he is a married man comical and hypocritical.
P. 314
In the morning, looking into the small mirror over…unbecoming proof, pleased that already he had marked her.
As pleased as Hema is with this decision, I wouldn’t count someone’s first time (because that’s what it sounds like from here), as happy when now they have an STD to treat. Herpes isn’t exactly something people like to show off.
This conversation took place a few days ago while I was at work. Please refer to A Talk with a Vegan for additional context.
One of the things that my dad told me about Cuba is that he would make food like the kind that he had there, but never any food directly from there. Part of this has to do with keeping things clean. The country is or was so, poor that he doesn’t trust anything coming out of Cuba.
So the other day I was at work and one of my coworkers walked in and asked if we want any dark chocolate from Cuba. So of my coworkers said okay and took a piece, others said no, and I asked where in Cuba was it from. The following happens between one of my workers that denied a piece…
Me: “Where in Cuba is it from? ‘Cause I’m not anything from where my dad is from.”
Coworker: “What’s wrong with there?”
Me: “Because there’s so much poverty there at my dad would have to go kill a pig in order to have food for the night.”
Coworker: “A lot of people do that.”
Me: “Yeah, but my dad did that because he couldn’t get anything else. He wou-“
Coworker: “So you’re saying that farmers are poor then.”
Me: “…what? No. I’m saying that he learned in poverty.”
Coworker: “Excuse me, but you don’t know my family.”
Me: “And you DON’T KNOW my family either. I don’t know what the fuck is your problem.”
After this, I thought for sure that she was going to go off on a rant. It was confused the whole time because she’s heard me talking about my family before, where my dad is from, and at one point even MET him. Still, I guess some people just don’t care.
Amateur Photographer. “Famine in Sudan by Tom Stoddart – Iconic Photograph.” Amateur Photographer, TI Media Limited, 20 July 2010.
Peetz, Caitlynn. “America’s Pig Farmer of the Year Traveled Country to Educate,…” Agweek, Agweek and Forum Communications Company, 20 Oct. 2017, 11:25.
I love the movie Aladdin for years. Jasmine wasn’t my favorite princess, but I loved singing the songs and watching the movie after school or while eating dinner with my family. With the upcoming Aladdin remake already here, I’m a bit worried and excited to see how it turns out. So far film itself looks alright, other than the shade of blue chosen for the genie, but a bigger problem that is happening is the choice to not have an all Arabian cast or at least in the lead roles.
Naomi Scott, while British and Indian, seems like a shot in the dark actress pick that “fits,” I have a feeling that the movie will suffer for not being Middle Eastern.
I plan on seeing the movie soon to see for myself how well the movie does, but so far, everyone seems angry at this Disney Princess.
