Category: Food – Mind

Walking to Santiago de Compostela was the first program I enrolled in at Evergreen State College. What does walking across northwestern Spain have to do with my pursuit of a medical degree? Well quite honestly, this program was supposed to be completely irrelevant to my area of emphasis. While there are numerous things I have learned from studying abroad, perhaps the most important is the ability to step out of my comfort zone. Never before had I considered myself an outdoors type of person. Did I mention I had never gone on a hike before? Choosing to walk 500 miles with a pack on my back for the first time was out of character for me. I didn’t know the first thing about hiking. My first walk on the Camino was climbing up a mountain! I pushed myself physically in a way I had never experienced before. With sweat dripping down my back and feeling short of breath, I asked myself “What the hell am I doing? This is nonsense.” I quickly learned that persistence will carry me further than focusing on my physical suffering. After all, shoulder tension, blisters, and tendinitis are some perks of the package deal on the camino. Spring quarter was also my first time traveling outside of the United States. I recall feeling slightly disappointed the first time I ordered a ham sandwich at a bar in Spain. I was given just that, ham between two pieces of stale bread. As the weeks progressed, I began to better understand the Spanish way of life through listening and observation. For example, I didn’t understand why the locals were so intrigued by my feet. Every time I walked around cities, my pastel pink pedicure would attract the attention of at least 10 people. When I started looking around, I realized not a single person wore shoes with bare feet. The women always dressed stockings with open toed shoes.Indeed, European culture is very different from the United States. Being on the Camino also allowed me to meet people from all corners of the world!

When I initially enrolled to pursue a BA, I was reluctant to embrace all the changes necessary to achieve my long term goal. One important realization is that throughout my journey towards becoming a physician’s assistant, there are going to be many times where I am required to step out of my comfort zone; whether it be performing a patient exam or giving an injection for the first time. Feeling out of one’s element is the first step towards growing as a person. And just as reaching the peak of the mountain requires perseverance, studying medicine must also be approached in the same manner. There are times when I will feel overwhelmed because there is much too much information to learn. I will be mentally challenged like never before. What has the Camino taught me? Sometimes its necessary to stop, take a deep breath (actually many), and keep climbing to the top. The journey will be difficult, but it will make reaching the top even more satisfying. Furthermore, the Camino has provided me with a deeper understanding of different cultures. I’ve had the opportunity to interact with people from all over the globe, such as those from Brazil, Africa, Germany and Asia. Experiencing this cultural immersion is extremely valuable because in healthcare, one sees patients from all sorts of backgrounds. Being aware of different customs will not only build trust between provider and patient, but also rapport. All things considered, Walking to Santiago de Compostela was intentionally “impertinent” but a fundamental component of my higher education. My pilgrimage through Spain set the standard for what I can expect moving forward. I’ve gained the confidence to follow the path I have created without hesitation. When the going gets tough, all I need to remind myself is that I can and I will.

“A threat leads to nothing if it is not accepted. In fighting the good fight, you should never forget that. Just as you should never forget that both attacking and fleeing are part of the fight. What isn’t part of the fight is becoming paralyzed by fear.”

As I walked along the secluded highway going towards Sobrado dos Monxes, I looked down at my cell phone to the alarming notification “He [Portuguese creep] moved backwards to Baamonde yesterday” My stomach dropped and the comfort of being alone was suddenly stripped away leaving me desperate to be somewhere, anywhere but in solitude. My heart began to race as I looked over my shoulder. The sharp winding road blocked any view of oncoming pedestrians. I looked ahead only to be met with the never ending asphalt road that was my Camino. I remembered passing a few pilgrims awhile back and reluctantly slowed my pace down. “ He can be anywhere along my path by now. What if he decided to do the entire 40 km stage today? If I walk slower he will surely catch up to me any minute since I started walking so late.” I convinced myself. I stepped up my pace until each step began to send a shooting pain down the center of my lower legs. According to my navigator, I still had another 9.5 km to reach the end of the stage. Sweat dripped down my back as the scorching sun beat against my skin. Hobbling along, I looked back over my shoulder every now.

The “incident” took place the night of my arrival at the starting point of El Camino Frances, Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port. After an inspirational pep talk from our hospitalero, a couple of my classmates and I decided to go out for dinner. As we walked out of the albergue, we were greeted by a familiar face, a Korean girl named Diana. We invited her to stay in our small room that accommodated 4 pilgrims. She thanked us and hurriedly went to check in so she could come with us to dinner. Later that evening as we prepared for bed, a Portuguese man swung open the curtain to our room. He began to talk to anybody who would listen. Annie L pointed out that I understood Spanish. The Portuguese excitedly directed his conversation at me ranting about having walked the Camino numerous times and traveling the country by foot. He boasted that he had met a few of my classmates in Lourdes but had left them far behind. “What you walk in a week, I can walk in a couple of days.” He said matter of factly. Over the course of the evening, the Portuguese entered our room two additional times unannounced. I didn’t give his interactions much thought until I rolled over in bed and saw him perched on the edge of the wall that separated our room from his. His eyes were wide and wild as he rapidly skimmed the room back and forth with a big grin on his face. Diana was on the top bunk closest to him. She was packing her stuff and giggled when she looked up to see him peering into our room. I saw him disappear and got up from the bottom bunk to tell Maddie of my observation. My back was to him and she looked over and whispered “he’s still sitting up there.” I quickly turned and there he was again. I crawled back into bed and rolled over so my back was facing him. His actions were undoubtedly strange but I decided to ignore the situation.

It wasn’t too long after that I was awoken by a shining light. I looked up and saw it was coming from the room next door. Suddenly, an arm swung over the edge of the wall in the direction where Diana was laying. I closed my eyes so he would think I was asleep. I heard her gasp and then he whispered “shhh it’s ok.” My skin crawled. Somehow I managed to fall asleep again but soon again was awoken by a shining light in my face. “Hey let’s go look at the moon. It’s magical,” The Portuguese whispered. “No. Go to sleep” I replied assertively. He then disappeared into the night. My friend Annie also woke up when he entered the room and asked what he had said. I considered going to search for the hospitalero to report the incident but wasn’t sure if he slept in the building. Our dormitory was not connected to the main albergue so that meant going outside in the dark. I ran the risk of being followed or attacked by the creepy Portuguese. I made the decision to stay put but was unable to sleep the rest of the night out of fear that he may come back and try to attack me. Annie L offered to switch beds with me so she would have to deal with him if he came back. I told her no but later crawled into bed with her for comfort. At various points during night I could hear the Portuguese get out of bed and pace in the hallway right in front of my room. My heart began to race every time I heard the slightest noise. I dozed off to sleep sometime around 6 am as sleepy pilgrims began to prepare for that morning’s walk.

I awoke from an alert on my watch indicating that my heart rate remained elevated as I slept. Suddenly, the occurrence from the previous night raced through my head. I wanted to talk to Diana because she seemed unsurprised by the creeps weird actions and a bit naïve. In fact, I had seen her go outside with this creep right before bedtime. Diana was packing up to leave at that moment and asked her if the Portuguese had tried grabbing her during the night. Judging by the expression on her face, she was confused and didn’t understand what I was asking. I slowly asked her the same question again and demonstrated the act of grabbing. “Oh no no,” she assured me. I advised her that it probably wasn’t a good idea to walk with the Portuguese because he seemed a bit odd. She nodded with agreement and said quietly “He’s scary.” I was a bit relieved that she had realized his manner wasn’t entirely normal.

Annie L and I were the last pilgrims in the dormitory that morning. We sat on our beds packing when suddenly the curtain flew open and I looked up to see the Portuguese standing there visibly agitated. He pointed his finger at me and began to yell “ You can either have a good Camino or you can have a bad one. You better shut your fucking mouth because you don’t know me and I don’t know you. Now the Korean girl doesn’t want to walk with me because she’s scared. Do you know what she told me this morning “Please don’t hurt me.” And your friend has been in the town all morning pacing back and forth.” He became more enraged as he spoke and continued “ I don’t care if you are a woman I can hurt you.” He made reference to the ground as if threatening to bury me. He cussed at me some more and then spat on the floor before leaving. I was speechless as I turned to Annie L who was sitting there wide eyed and confused.

What should I do in a situation like this? I was conflicted between reporting it in that instance or letting it slide for the time being. If I went to tell the hospitalero, then surely the Portuguese would become even more enraged. I ran the risk of being targeted at any given moment. I decided to postpone my start date and check in with the professor. I was also torn between going home or starting the pilgrimage. “Is this walk really worth risking my safety?” I thought. Having had previous experience in healthcare, I had often dealt with patients with an array of mental health issues. I took a threat very seriously especially given his aggressive demeanor. One doesn’t know what a person is capable of. Thus, I debated all day long whether I wanted to stay or not.

The proceeding weeks were filled with some discouragement and stress to say the least. I was able to obtain a photo of the Portuguese and informed the hospitalero Cesar of the incident in Saint Jean. He was very supportive and assured me that I didn’t have anything to worry about during my stay in his albergue. The following morning I went out with some classmates and received a call from Harry urging me to return to the albergue that very moment. The Portuguese had shown up on the doorstep looking for me and the police were called. I spent many hours waiting at the local Pamplona police station only to be informed that they wouldn’t be able to help me. “A threat is not a crime. We cannot do anything about that unless he has harmed you physically,” said one of the officers. “So what you are saying is that you can’t help me until he tries to kill me?” I said angrily. “People make threats all the time.” He said unconcerned. Next step, talk with the Guardia Civil (state patrol). The officer quickly typed away as I repeated my story for the second time. He facilitated my request for a restraining order and explained the next step, wait for the judge’s review and final decision. This was a major interruption in my Camino since I had to play the waiting game. Meanwhile the guardia was on the hunt for The Portuguese’s whereabouts. They located him the next morning in Estella. Third step, go to the city of his arrest and give a statement for the third time.

After my request for a restraining order was denied in Pamplona but granted in Estella, the Portuguese took a bus back to his place of origin (or so the Guardia reported) and I continued on my Camino. I was relieved to have my order of protection and to be done repeating myself. I felt a little disappointed that my Camino had started out so rocky but I was determined to get back on track and avoid future interruptions. I wanted to erase my beginning and create a new one. What better way to start out fresh than switch my Camino route completely? It seemed like a good idea. Or so I thought.

As I neared the final stretch of el Camino, I received notice that the Portuguese had returned. Coincidentally he chose the northern route, my route. Just as I had gained the independence to venture off on my own. The day after learning of his presence on the trail, I did walk alone though despite the recommendation that I not be left alone. I had come to enjoy spending time with myself and walking at my own pace-not too fast or too slow. I also had assumed that he was days ahead and would let me be. He must have realized I was a couple days behind and backtracked on the trail.

I was a mix of emotions as I frantically walked down the highway. No longer did I feel carefree but was cautiously looking over my shoulder expecting to see him at any given moment. My uneasiness then turned into anger. “How dare he have the nerve to show up again especially right now. Just as he ruined the beginning of my pilgrimage, he’s trying too do the same with the end. He’s like a dark shadow looming over. I wont succumb to fear.” I told myself determined. I straightened my posture and clenched my fists as I walked. Suddenly, the situation began to take on more significance as a familiar thought came to my mind. Like Paulo Coelho in The Pilgrimage, I was able to chase away and avoid any confrontation with my black dog for awhile but never fully faced my demon, which was fear. Little did I know that his presence would remain lingering along my path until I chose to dominate him or remain enslaved by my own fearfulness. It wasn’t until I was on the trail contemplating what to do that I began to experience a moment of self awareness over my emotions. I realized that fear is consuming and will only take away from the rest of my positive experiences on El Camino. I realized that my determination is greater than any intimidation I may face for I had already made it this far. I chose to exercise self confidence, which changed how I reacted to being threatened. If I were to see him, I would stand my ground and put up a fight if necessary. I would no longer allow fear to consume my way of life. I slowed my pace, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply. With the sun gleaming overhead and birds swaying with the breeze, I began to notice once more the beauty that was my Camino.

In the beginning of my pilgrimage, I was told that the Camino will strengthen one first physically, second mentally, and last spiritually. As the kilometers on the shell markers become less, I am now just realizing how far I’ve come. Laying in bed that first night in Roncesvalles, I was awoken several times due to aching pain in my legs. Hobbling down the pitch black dormitory in the middle of the night, I had never experienced so much physical pain. Stretching on the cold bathroom floor was all I could do to relieve my discomfort. “I don’t think I’ll be able to get up tomorrow. How the hell am I going to walk?” I thought to myself. Although my legs felt like jelly, I was able to walk the next day and the next. With each step that I take, I can feel my body getting stronger. I can now say that I’ve climbed mountains; reaching the top is an exhilarating feeling. My mentality has also benefited from my pilgrimage. When my body feels like it cannot take a single step further, I focus on anything else but my physical suffering. Before noticing, I have arrived at my destination and the pain has dissipated. Getting from the beginning to endpoint is all about mind over matter. I can have shooting pains from shin splints and the friction from walking can rub my foot raw but I am able to keep walking. I just need to remind myself that I can and I will. In addition, I have a newfound optimism as I realize situations could be far more worse than they are. The beds in the albergue are full? No problem I will sleep on the floor. At least I’m not sleeping on the sidewalk. Experiencing a new way of life on the Camino has allowed me to dig deeper into what spirituality means to me as a person. I want to change some aspects of my way of life. For example, being in a world of materialistic things isn’t very important to me anymore. Living out of a pack for 2 months has helped me gain a new perspective for there are many things I can make do without and be just as happy.

I met a Spanish woman named Pepa near the end of my walk from Gontan to Vilalba. Slim and short in stature, she managed to keep a good distance between us the entire walk no matter how hard I tried to quicken my pace. In the outskirts of the city, I saw an elderly man sitting on a rock outside of his house approach her, which made her come to a halt. “Aha! I’m going to catch up finally” I thought to myself. “Hola, buenos dias” I greeted them both as I walked by. “Hola de donde es usted?” The elderly man with white hair asked. “ Soy de Washington, Estados Unidos.” And just like that, he tangled me in his web of conversation and I was trapped. The elderly man made every attempt to keep our attention. He tried to crack jokes and I looked over at Pepa who was getting impatient by the minute. Finally she turned to me and said “This old man spends too much time alone. He will keep us here all day if we let him.” She abruptly ended the conversation explaining that we had to keep walking. Once we were well on our way, she turned to me and said “I was very excited to look back and see a female walking El Camino alone! It is generally ok. You haven’t had any problems being alone I’m sure.” I smiled and asked if she was walking alone. I learned that Pepa has walked the Camino before. She decided to walk alone this time around and planned on arriving in Santiago the same day as I, June 21. Pepa only had a couple weeks of vacation before returning to work. Lost in conversation, we soon arrived at her hotel. She told me that it was a very good price and I decided to stay there as well.

As the elevator took us up to the fifth floor, she asked what I did for a living. I told her I was a full time college student pursuing a degree in medicine. She looked at me surprised and said “Ah! We share a common interest then. I studied medicine for 11 years to become an internal medicine specialist.” Ding. The door opened and she stepped out. I was left in a state of shock.

That same morning on my walk I was thinking about the direction of my life moving forward. Since the beginning of my higher education, I had been set on a career in healthcare. My prior occupation in medical assisting had reiterated this desire. My long-term goal was to become a mid level healthcare provider, PA-C. So as I walked along that day, I wondered whether the Camino would give me a sign, even the slightest one, to show me I was moving in the right direction. I thought it was possible but very unlikely.

The next morning I walked down to the Hotel’s cafeteria for breakfast. I sat down at the small square table with my zumo de naranja and piece of toast. “May I sit with you?” A familiar voice asked. I looked up to see my new specialist friend Pepa. I asked about her educational journey. Pepa told me that she studied in the second oldest medical school in Europe (I cant recall the name). She is currently working as an inpatient internal medicine specialist. She said that Spain has a very aging population. Many patients that she sees are in their 90s. That would explain why I see so many elderly people in the towns I pass! She said that being a doctor is the occupation that allows for most stability as it pays well and there is always a need for healthcare professionals.

She mentioned that those who decide to pursue a higher education in Spain wait to have children until completion of their degree. She didn’t agree with such norm because more and more younger women in their 30’s seek fertility treatment due to prolonged use of contraception. She had her first child at the age of 20. While it was difficult to raise a child and study, she said it was worth it. Her second child she had 9 years later and was more difficult because of her age. She said “I remember chasing my son around at 20 years old and it was no problem. Can you imagine doing the same at 30 years old? There is no energy left by then.” She advised me to think about starting a family sooner than later.

Her final advice:

Those who decide to pursue medicine need to have a passion for it because he/she will be required to put his/her life on hold to obtain their degree. Study hard! There’s no waiting until the last minute to study for the test because all material goes into depth and is critical to know. Be prepared to spend long hours with the books and completing contact hours.

I was most certainly grateful for having the opportunity to meet and chat with Pepa. I didn’t anticipate the Camino granting my request and definitely not so soon! They say that the Camino will give you what you need. Today, I have received the reassurance I need to keep walking on the Camino I have started. I will not question my direction any longer, I will simply keep moving forward.