A few days after the accident I went back to the emergency room at Wilcox Hospital in Lihue because I still could not walk and I was in a lot of pain. The doctor ordered a CAT scan and found four fractures in my pelvis. My left ischium/pubic bone is crunched in but will not need surgery as of now. On the other side, there is a piece of free bone that broke off of my L5 vertebrae. Below that there is a vertical fracture through my sacrum, right next to the sacroiliac joint. I also have a massive hematoma and nerve damage on my upper left thigh, which will make that area numb for about three months.Thankfully everything is in a good place to heal and I just need to continue to take it easy (which is a pretty big challenge for me..) but the fact that I do not need surgery is good news nonetheless.
Just within the last two days I’ve started to use crutches to go short distances. This makes a huge difference for me mentally- Although my pain is being managed well now and physical therapy has been helping me regain some movement, I am still feeling a bit defeated by my limited mobility and overwhelmed by all of the things that need to be taken care of in the wake of this event. The medications I am taking make it difficult for me to concentrate, and on top of that I typically have at least two appointments or meetings each day.
My mom came out two weeks ago to help me heal and get to appointments and errands. I am learning how to rely on other people, which is a huge challenge for me as I have been fiercely independent since a very young age. I will be reflecting on this in a blogpost on self-care.
These last few weeks have brought up a lot for me as I learn to see ‘accessibility’ in a new light. Immediately after the accident I began facing accessibility challenges. After returning home the night of the accident I attempted to walk from the car to the bus I was living in at the time. I had people holding me up under both arms because the gate was too tight to fit through on the rolling office chair we had procured. Even without putting any weight on my legs, I ended up passing out from the pain of gravity pulling on my joints.
I just found a new place to live yesterday because my last house was not wheelchair accessible; there were stairs and ledges and gravel lots and narrow doorways. Getting outside was impossible without help, and it’s important to me that I have the option to be able to take care of myself as much as my physical condition will allow. At first, my independence looked like moving myself from my chair to my bed on my own, Now it looks like being dropped off in town for a few hours to do schoolwork. While I do have a chance to see the world from a wheelchair, I cannot begin to know what each day brings for folks who are permanently differently abled. I’m feeling appreciative of spaces with smooth wheelchair ramps and counters I can see over. I’m grateful for place that have accessible bathrooms (with space to turn around!!) and for people who ASK before they try to help me- it’s frustrating how many people have assumed I have little to no bodily autonomy, lean on my chair, try to do things for me when I didn’t ask them to, or speak to whoever is with me assuming I can’t speak for myself.
A wheelchair is not an invitation to talk to me about my body and my health. Please teach yourself about ableism- don’t expect people with disabilities to automatically be your teachers. **this applies to all areas of privilege**
My experience is temporary, and I have the privilege of being cared for by my friends and family. If I can’t get to the grocery store, people are willing to bring me things. If a store or restaurant is not wheelchair accessible, I can go back when I’m able to maneuver on crutches.
It is so important to recognize the privileges you have as an able-bodied person and think about the ways you can take up less space- important check-ins we can all do in different aspects of our lives.
http://disabledfeminists.com/2010/11/19/what-is-ableism-five-things-about-ableism-you-should-know/
Hey Sophie, Shani here.
I’m so sorry about what happened. No shit, that fucking sucks.
I had to have surgery on my knee two years ago. I had a detached PCL, a bucket handle tare, and four holes in my meniscus. I was on crutches three months before my surgery, unable to use my leg because the surgeon was booked and wanted to go on vacation. I got my surgery and it took 8 months before I was out of the leg brace and another 3 months before I could walk normally. I’ve been farming on and off ever since. I don’t have feeling on the left side of my calf, I can’t pull my left leg upwards towards my ass (important for the proper step in a jog), and my knee hurts when it rains, when it’s cold, when I exercise, when I work, when I hike, when I sit without my feet touching the floor, when I shiver, when I’m tired, when I’ve had too much coffee or too little water, the list goes on. I had $11000 in my bank account before the accident. I couldn’t work for that whole time and I didn’t get any disability checks or other monetary support, so now I live paycheck to paycheck and am struggling to get out of poverty. I just hope that I don’t bust my legs again while I’m working on the farm. The plus side? I have killer biceps and a stone cold stare bred out of resentment from a world that was okay taking my body when I could produce food but threw me away when I had crutches.
I feel your anti-ableism sentiment. Evergreen is not conducive for those of us on crutches. The bathrooms suck for wheelchairs. The list goes on. You’re gonna be bitter for a long time. Good luck with that. If you have any tips for pain management, throw them my way, because I’m allergic to most of the meds the doctors tried to give me. I’m glad you have support, especially in the shopping department. I remember I was cooking while on crutches, and going days at a time with minimal food after my surgery. I’m glad you’ve moved houses to a more conducive spot. If you wanna shoot tha shit sometime, hit me up and we’ll bitch about the qualms of frail bodies together.
I really, really hope things get better. This experience is a true eye opener, and not one you’ll soon forget, no matter how much you’ll want to. Bonus? There are always parking spaces close to where you have to go and parking downtown is free if you have the “handicap” placard. I hate that word, it’s so condescending. Wouldn’t be handicapped if society wasn’t structured for a single body type and rated my injured body as sub-par. Oooo, the resentment is boiling again. I must end it here.
Thanks for sharing. The best of luck.
Shani A