You Are Here

I’m just gonna come out and say it–I kind of hate indie movies. You know, the kind of movies that critics fawn over and your hipster friend describes as “so, like, moving and intense.” The kind of movie where nothing happens and everyone just sits around and cries and film students have wet dreams about, because it’s such an “deep and intimate portrayal of the modern American family”. Um, no thanks. I’d rather watch a movie with a discernable plot, thanks.

Maybe I’m shallow, but give me a movie where no one cries, no one makes any confessions or has any revelations. A joke or two would be nice. A couple plot points and I’m a happy camper.

Also, the majority of these so-called “indie” movies are not. They’re released by substudios of major studios. Fox Searchlight is part of 20th Century Fox, duh. Don’t be fooled by the hype, yo. It’s like how a ton of “indie” rock is released by major labels.

You should watch this, though. It makes me happy:
Under the Sea–Matty Pop Chart

I hate Nicolas Cage. I’m not really sure why, but I do. It’s not just that he’s a bad actor–which he is, but there are lots of bad actors that I don’t obsessively despise. There’s just something about him that makes me want to kill.

Admittedly, I do really like one of his movies, Raising Arizona. For some reason, he’s palatable in the role.

But other than that, he makes me vomit a little in my mouth. Just knowing he’s made two National Treasure movies has me weeping for humanity for hours. I hate his stupid receding hairline and the fact that every time I go to the movies I see a trailer for Knowing. I just wish he would go away.