I really appreciated the latest readings on gender/sexuality/sex/etc as they covered things I think about and try to navigate my opinions on. The online readings and book strengthened my thoughts I already had on all these subjects. What I believe is simply this: in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter? Not in a dismissive sense, because I believe identity really matters a lot as if you can’t relate to your own identity comfortably and honestly, you can’t really be yourself. Rather, in the sense of abstractly: why gender at all? I realize it’s merely a byproduct of something humans inherently seem to need to have: categorization.

I started thinking about this when I studied zoology, just based on how many different animals there are in the world and how elaborate the system for defining animals is. I mean kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species; that’s a lot of sifting to get to just a  specific type of animal. Humans have this weird oxymoronic relationship with categorization where we love extremely simple black and white things but also love finite details in categorization. People don’t own just a cat, they own a tabby or a siamese. People don’t just have a dog, they have a mutt which is part German Shepard and Irish setter (my dog, my sweet little angel). I believe humans need both because at the end of the day we like choices but also can’t have too many. Think about cola for example;  we have so many brands of cola but at the end of the day it really comes down to Pepsi or Coca-Cola. Personally I’m a coke person though I will also drink Pepsi if it’s available. Maybe this is the best way I can think of to talk about gender and my views on it.

Let’s say Coca-Cola is female and Pepsi is male. A majority of the population will drink one of these two, but not all. Some people prefer Dr. Pepper or Sprite/7UP or Seagrams or A&W. Some people like the afore mentioned types of soda but they want the healthier and better tasting cane sugar alternative and some people love boutique sodas that aren’t produced to the scale of the aforementioned companies. And then there’s those people who like Fanta Grape or Strawberry best, though they are a very small portion of the population. This is how I think gender works. There are so many options and it’s great because you can try new flavors and find out which soda is your preferred. Now running with this analogy, some people really believe there should only be coke and Pepsi just like the good old days, Dr.Pepper was like kind of okay, and only the weird kids drank 7UP. They believe that the other brands are so small that, so why not switch to something more mainstream? Yet most of these soda companies have been around about as long as each other, some even older than Coke and Pepsi. I think that having so many different sodas because it allows the most people to have their thirst quenched and alcohol chased. Now this metaphor is getting rickety so it’s time to step off it. Within this I recognize that we as a species love easy either/or answers. Coke or Pepsi, tea or coffee, yanny or laurel, etc. But even within that coffee and tea example there are so many types of both. We are extremely picky but also love simple categories. At the end of day people should just drink soda without fearing judgement for liking 7UP or being a cream soda kinda folk. Because yes and no, black and white don’t disappear with many different sodas; you get the added answer of maybe and lots of grays. Which we inherently also need as people.

On a less chaotic-to-talk-about note, I also really loved the talks we had and bits pertaining to raising kids. This is a lot easier thought wise for me to navigate. I love kids. Since I’ve been able to talk I would say things like “Well! When I’m a dad…”, I worked at my church’s nursery for three or so years, I babysat for a bulk of last summer. I just really care about kids and their well being. They’re hilarious yet brutally honest, simple yet complex, fragile yet durable, kind of sentient little things. Within this of course come into mind my opinions on raising kids and lately how do I as a future parent address gender with my kid. I have a similar thought to our speaker which is let them figure it out. I can help my kid learn to talk, walk, eat, tie their shoes but at the end of the day I feel like this is a journey they have to pursue and figure out themselves. I can’t and definitely shouldn’t enforce my ideas opinions on who they are because they will tell me. The best thing I, and any parent in my opinion, can do is love and support their kid whoever they end up being. Maybe this is because of how I was raised.

I’ve always had a unique but (literally) straightforward relationship with gender, sexual orientation, sex, and all that jazz. My parents originally were gonna name me Sam and thought I would be a girl but were unsure so Sam seemed like the best option. But when I came into the world after a 36 hour struggle, they were like ‘oh he’s a Nathan’. My mom and dad bought me dolls and hot wheels and stuffed animals. My best friend from the day she was born is my friend and basically sibling Tess who is I think the greatest human I’ve ever met. My mom has a picture of me wearing one of Tess’s swimsuits when I was little and no one batted an eye though they lovingly poke fun at me for it but never in a derogatory way. I had a dress and a skirt at one point but gave those up not because of gender norms but for this reason: I hated wearing them. They were too open and I was not a fan of that at all. I tried a dress on one time in high school and nothing changed. At the end of the day my parents let me find out who I was. It also helps that my next door neighbors growing up were lesbians so I early on was exposed to the LGBT community and taught about it. One of my closest friends had moms at that age. I went to a church that accepted everyone regardless of race, gender, orientation, or any ‘differences’. I was exposed to so many ways of life but the most important thing was that my parents let me and supported this as well as these groups. My mom is gay and was always very supportive of me discovering who I really was. I just happened to be straight even with all that acceptance and openness and love. I am extremely lucky and thankful for my parents raising me the way they did and have.

All this going through various sifters for my opinions gets me to this point: let people just be who they are. Obviously I’m preaching to the choir but I mean it in general. There can only be positive from it. People being happy is rarely a bad thing and especially within identity no one is hurting anyone. When a baby comes into the world care for them and let them grow into the person they’re gonna be. Just respect people’s choices because it’s so much easier than being bent out of shape because someone likes grape soda.