Long story short, yes.

I think the most important thing I gained from this discussion is that I am a racist, and I am always going to be a racist, and all I can do is actively try to be less racist.

I come from a small-ish town, where everyone is republican-ish and redneck-ish, and that’s ok-ish. Until it gets less ok with the avid use of racist slurs by high school students in the halls, which are laughed at by other students in a predominantly white setting. It was a rough four years. It was a rough twenty years, because Kelso was a hole and I didn’t get out until my first horrifyingly blissful year as an Evergreen Student when I got to refresh my brain and learn how to behave in civilized society.

My home environment was what I like to call “Cowlitz County liberal” because we were just about as left as it gets in a concentrated area of Red Right Republicans. We were liberal, but certainly not without flaws. I grew up believing that I wasn’t racist, because I would never actively hate a person based on skin color. The idea of privilege never crossed my mind, and the idea that I was part of a system where I had advantage over others based on ethnicity and sexual orientation never made sense because I believed what I was told growing up in my small town. “We’re all equal.”

My wake up call was the first time I was told I am racist. I was taken aback. I was angry. I was uncomfortable. That’s when I realized that the fact that I was uncomfortable was nothing compared to the discomfort and fear that other bodies have every time they walk out the door. I have privilege because I get to live without inherent fear every time I leave my home, particularly in our current political climate. Before last year it had never occurred to me to ask a simple question “what can I do to help.” Now, I’ve come to accept that the best thing I can do is to listen when others are speaking and learn how I can change, be an ally, or offer support in any way possible. I’ve learned to apologize when I misstep, and accept criticism when I’ve been offensive.