Terra Heatherly-Norton
5/16/15
Closed Reading
“It was not that I did not still love Albertine, but I no longer loved her in the same fashion as in the final phase. No it was in the fashion of the earlier days, when everything connected with her, places or people, made me feel a curiosity in which there was more charm than suffering…” – Pg 753
Proust is processing his emotions about Albertine; he tries throughout the book to rationalize why their relationship is ending without taking any responsibility for its demise. In this specific passage Proust is feeling a heightened sense of infatuation for Albertine. He interprets this emotion as the feeling of new love, as oppose to the “final phase” of love he previously felt for her. This is an extremely common and relatable thing that happens to couples as they break up. The security the lovers felt is gone, most people cope with this new sense of vulnerability by reinvesting themselves into the failing relationship, seeking comfort in the familiar. The strength of emotion Proust feels overwhelms him, so instead of dealing with them he redirects. Albertine becomes the manifestation of his pleasures, insecurities, and anything else he seeks/feels; he views his obsession as affection. In actuality I think Proust is panicking, he is losing control of a situation he had previously felt comfortable in. These new feelings for Albertine are simply Proust grasping for control over a situation he never had the upper hand in. He feels as through Albertine is abandoning him, which makes him want her more than ever because as we know, Proust is all about the chase.
In the previous chapter Proust is convinced Albertine is a lesbian, he follows her around, is suspicious of her every move and takes every compliment she gives to girls with a grain of salt. He is feeling rejected by Albertine, their relationship is in shambles as it has been for a while now and Proust is searching for reasons outside of himself to justify why it is failing. Albertine being a lesbian is a blame free route Proust’s mind takes, not only keeping his inflated ego intact but also painting Albertine as the villain. In his mind it is her lack of moral compass and shameful promiscuity are the reasons Albertine does not love him anymore.
So now Proust is stuck in the obsessive phase of rejection, he sees people and places and associates them with Albertine even with no real connections. He feels a “curiosity in which there was more charm than suffering.” This line is a bit confusing, but what I think he is trying say is that remembering Albertine, finding her is all of his surroundings are not all unpleasant memories and feelings. Proust is essentially reminiscing about the love of his life. While these memories may be painful he also experienced great pleasure at the time. Proust is all about involuntary memory his breakup with Albertine is bringing up hundreds of early memories from when he saw her at the park for the first time, to the theater they went to together as teenagers. Proust is wallowing in this, he absorbs his own memories better than any outside influence he is grieving but with grief comes nostalgia. Nostalgia is a horrible thing to feel because the picture it paints is always rosier than the actual event. Proust can recall a very normal walk to the park with Albertine as the most glorious of days with the sun shining, her skin glowing, and birds chirping in a merry way. But in actuality they were fighting about something and it were 52 with a slight drizzle.
“…And indeed I was well aware now that before I forgot her altogether, before I got back to my initial stage of indifference, I should have to traverse in the opposite direction, like a traveler who returns by the same route to his starting point, all sentiments through which I had passed before arriving at my great love…”- Pg 753
I found this quote extremely insightful and out of character for Proust, at a time in which Europe (and most of the western world) was focused on progression Proust states that he is regressing to eventually progress. He is falling out of love and is painfully aware of it; Proust is reveling and analyzing his own grieving process. This quote is one of the most profound conclusions he comes to regarding Albertine. He observes that he feeling for her must regain their strength before they can diminish completely. He needs to feel everything for Albertine deeply and fully before the feelings will dissolve. Proust is a processor, he observes quietly while a windstorm of thought rips through his psyche he describes his feelings, comparing them to “a traveler who returns by the same route to his starting point.” It seems to me like Proust is saying in order to truly not care about someone anymore you must fall in love with them again reflecting all the way back to the beginning because before the beginning there wasn’t any emotion at all. One must truly understand the feeling they felt in the past and the reasons for these feeling before they can truly let go.
“…But these stages, these moments of the past are not immobile; they have retained the tremendous force, the happy ignorance of the hope that was then soaring towards a time which has now become the past, but which a hallucination makes us for a moment mistake retrospectively for the future.” -Pg 753
Proust describes the nostalgia he feels as the mistaken feeling of hope, he is observing that as he relives moments of his and Albertine love he is filled with the feelings of those times and associates them with present day circumstance. Proust depends on others for his own happiness; he has many developmental and physical health problems resulting in a recluse and insignificant existence. This makes it so he is extremely impressionable and is affected by every outside experience deeply, and analyzes it to death in his ample free time. His entire world is Albertine, he has spent such a large part of his life chasing her, courting her, and trying to keep her. It seems he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself now that she left him. He feels powerless and empty, so he fills himself with the memories of their time together. He nestles himself in the comforting nest of memory avoiding the present at all costs. Because if Proust were to face his situation head on at this point in his mental process he would see that he has lost the only thing that he had thought brought real meaning to his life, he lost his purpose.
In the end Proust is a heart broken man trying to make sense of a world that he no longer understands. He fails to look outside himself for perspective but also fails to look within for faults. He created his own obstacles, fueled by his ego and clouded by insecurities Proust desperately searches for answers but fails to see he created the problem.