1/12/16

Leaving is tough. Well actually leaving is the easy part. The hard part is everything preceding the point of departure. Once I make it to the airport and hug my loved ones goodbye I anticipate a consciousness flush — a full release of anxiety. The process of leaving is the hard part: putting down thousands of dollars for the trip, gathering the necessary gear, planning for the future, finding a home for my car, and packing up my room has never been easy (being a sentimentalist and a hoarder makes this very difficult). I come home after a full day and realize that my nails are chewed down revealing an obvious sign of anxiety and nervousness. Leaving the country messes with my psychology. The anticipation that accompanies a trip like this brings both waves of intense euphoria and loftiness. The trade-off here is that these exciting emotions come with a thick dose of anxiety. Not the anxiety that you can shake off like a bunch of fleas… no, no… this anxiety is like sitting in a molasses jacuzzi. I find myself asking two difficult questions: Am I prepared mentally and physically for this experience? What am I going to do when I return? These are tough questions. I’ve flowed through amazing life experiences, ecstatic with elation, and unfortunately these great highs are followed by lows accompanied by the thought, “Why can’t life always be that good?” This is a reality that I am sure every traveler and adventure enthusiast has experienced. Actually, it has certainly got to be deeper than that. This familiar feeling is one that hits at the core of the human experience. Whether the high is traveling to Ecuador or skateboarding on a sunny day, it is always followed by a lull eventually. It’s the balancing act that maintains our chemical equilibrium. As I sit here I wonder what the other side of this experience is going to be like and where I will find myself both mentally and physically after the dust has settled.