A big bowl of beautiful salad sits before her, and a plate of grapes to share between us. It was an honor to sit down with Kim for a short hour to pick her brain about her personal relation to GRuB, its culture, and its history. Coming out of the Institute, I had a strong recognition of the significance of the conversational style that exists at GRuB, the mentality of the dialogs held here. I was curious how this became established at GRuB in the first place.
When the organization was founded by Kim and Blue, they were young graduates, self identifying as “shameless sponges,” eager to absorb as many resources and as much knowledge as they could. The development of the dialog I’ve observed began with many trainings from the Dispute Resolution Center, where they learned deescalation techniques, communication styles, and how to facilitate conversations (as a mediator would, just without the certification). They used these tools when working with youth, and managed to resolve a lot of conflict. However, they soon realized there were ways to help prevent conflict from arising in the first place.
Their next step was to learn about techniques to set the container for the youth’s engagement and interpersonal communication at GRuB. They learned to be proactive in setting guidelines that each individual agrees to uphold, rather than needing to react to conflict to deescalate situations. They found a lot of success in this approach, and continue to use its structure today with Visions’ Eight Guiding Principles for Successful Outcomes Across Cultural Differences.
Another huge influencer to GRuB culture were the personalities of Blue and Kim. Both being very accommodating and desiring to support and empower as many young folk as they could connect with, drove the organization to foster mindful communication techniques. Additionally, they each had personal coaches at the time, and utilized many of the lessons learned therein, while working to build the organization.
The Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Triangle were two of these important lessons they carried into the work. They informed their engagement with youth and other members of the community. Rather than filling the role of victim, persecutor, or rescuer, they strove to empower one another through the roles of creator, challenger, and coach. These tools, mentalities, and ideologies were foundational to GRuB, and continue to play a vital role in its culture today.
Nonviolent Communication has been a huge informant of GRuB culture and its work. I have been reading the book by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. over the quarter and have gained wonderful insights into this communication technique. It is a two part process that includes both expressing ones’ observations, feelings and needs, and listening for the same in another’s expressions. This intentional form of speaking and listening creates a highly supportive and constructive atmosphere.
When I asked Kim how NVC informed her work she noted how significant the listening piece is, which is often overlooked- that even if another is not speaking using this technique, if you know what to listen for, you can still find a persons feelings and needs hidden within their message. This allows a person to work on their own conversational presentation, without forcing anyone else to change, and an agreement or resolution can still be reached. It is not about making anyone talk a certain way, more important, Kim believes, is hearing the needs of others, and supporting them in satisfying those needs.
After years of organizational development, GRuB was approached by the Food Project to cohost trainings for building multicultural organizations. This was a huge confidence builder for the nonprofit, and allowed them to open up to more opportunities to share their experiences and knowledge with others. Several years later The Institute was born. Initially it was jam-packed with information, probably a bit too much, as one of Kim’s favorite pieces of feedback ever received was “That was like getting punched in the face… in a good way”! They have since pared it down to engagement strategies and organizational structures that are relatively unique to the GRuB School Model.
Working within this model, Kim expressed one of her greatest challenges is avoiding the drama triangle. She says she has caught herself in the rescuer role when she becomes attached to a particular outcome for a crew member, who may not follow a path that leads them to that outcome. If she stresses her perspective too hard, she can easily slip into the perpetrator role. Recognition of this challenge has brought a lot of growth to her and the organization, which is constantly in a state of self-reflection.
It is this self-reflection and personal work, ingrained in the mission of GRuB, that allows the organization to be so in tune with the needs of the community. I have touched on this multiple times in my reflections over the quarter, the significance of the “self” awareness of the nonprofit. It has undergone several transitions and transformations over the years, and with each new experience comes a multitude of lessons. The board and staff are eager to take these in and adjust the vocabulary, culture and even trajectory of the organization. This willingness to change, and recognize personal and organizational fault, serves them greatly.
And so, sitting across a picnic table, from the inspirational Kim Gaffe, listening to her journey from community organizing and bird studies in the cloud forests of Ecuador, to the struggles of the daily operations of a nonprofit, and her hopes for the future, I am struck with a recognition of my own journey in her’s. I feel affirmed in my own meandering journey, in knowing that the work I do today, could look completely different in a short time. That I too am on a personal and professional journey, destined to face and work through many obstacles and that in keeping an unabashed desire to learn and grow, there lies a great potential within the seed of my soul. Through the seasons of planting, weeding, watering, growing, flowering and harvesting I can transform myself and my work. By saving the seeds of the previous developmental experience as lessons learned, and planting them anew year after year, I can continue to evolve and face my environment stronger and more equipped each time.
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