This book was a tear jerker!   A family’s emotional battle with themselves and the father’s saddening bout with stomach cancer, this read was a harsh reality many that family’s face.  Man oh man.  Following this Korean American family, through the ebb and flow of life this book takes the reader on a journey of a family forced to move to America over their fathers choices.   Through the rise and fall of hope, and the times of change which brings them all back to Korea in search of a cure.  From birth to death, the feeling the author Catherine Chung gives the reader the entire way is deep and meaningful.  The book was hard to put down and I found myself staying up into the morning hours reading my way through it.  Connecting with the two sisters and talking to them as I made my way to America and back to Korea with them.

I spent several years in my late teens bouncing back and forth from Washington State to Illinois, taking care of my grandfather who ended up having cancer and eventually succumbed to the disease.  As my grandfather’s caretaker in the end of his life, our time in hospitals with little hope rang true to me.  As Janie and her sister Hanna, had to come to a common ground and take care of their no matter how hard it was.  This reminded me of the times my father and I, had to put our differences aside and be cordgil to make my grandfathers last days on earth as comfortable as we could.

There was a time when it was too much for me to take care of my father’s father, and I ran home to Washington.  Trying to escape the sadness and the oddities of my relationship with my dad, I had to run as far away as I could to try and live my own life again.  Only to return to Chicago-land in an effort to help my Dad deal with my grandfathers ever changing health, and to try and salvage a relationship with my dad in the process.

This reminded me of Hanna’s disappearance from Michigan, to California to find herself and live her own life.  Not answering her family’s pleas for her to come home, her sister Janie formed great resentments for her.  Feeling like once again she was the one who had to do everything.  A feeling that followed her from adolescent to adult hood, she always felt Hanna was hers to take care of.  When her younger sister was born and Janie’s grandmother told her she had to take care of her little sister and that Janie was the one who had to keep her safe.

In the midst of their search for Hanna, they received horrible new about their father who was diagnosed with cancer.  The cancer in its late stage was past repair, and his days were numbered.  Not wanting to accept the western medicine opinion that there was no hope, they looked into other options.  Finding a possible chance for a cure, that was only available in Korea.  The family made the choice to sell their family home and to fly to Korea to try the experimental approach.  They didn’t want to leave without tell Hanna, and forced Janie to look harder for her sister.  She felt that it was her sister fault and didn’t want to look.  But she eventually gave into her parents.

Father’s cancer diagnosis only magnified her parent’s demands to find her sister.  Their parents put it up to Janie, to find her sister and to bring her home.  They blamed her for the fact that Hanna wasn’t returning their calls and this made Janie even more upset and angry towards Hanna.  She had always though her little sister was selfish and always thought of herself first.  From throwing fits as a child to running away, Hanna always found a way to make everything about her.

Eventually Janie was able to find out where Hanna was in California and made the journey to try and bring her back to the Midwest.  They met on the beach, and had a conversation about their father’s health.  Things had gone pretty good until this point; they had been able to make small talk and started acting like sister for a few days.  That was short lived and eventually girls got into a fight and the trip turned into another battle of selfishness between the two.  Janie, who was still harboring resentments toward Hanna for leaving and being the brat of the family, lied to her sister about the severity of father’s health.  Not wanting to give her sister the chance to make things up, Janie left California and returned home to her parents.

The family packed up their belonging again, sold their home and made the trip back to Korea for the experimental treatment.  Janie decided to go with her parents, and basked in the glory of being there for her parents.  Putting off her dissertation research and doing what she could do to help was her way of proving herself better than her sister.  Lying to her family as to what Hanna was doing in California, she told them Hanna couldn’t make it because of school and would not be coming to Korea.

This is when the sister’s roles changed; Janie had assumed the role of the selfish one.  Gratifying her behavior to herself, she continued to tell her parents that she was still talking to her sister even though she wasn’t.  Trying to be the only one they could count on and getting to spend quality time with her family.  One night Janie and her father went on a long hike into the hills and getting home way after dark.  Their mother who was worried something horrible had happen had called Hanna and told her the severity of father’s illness.  Hanna dropped everything and flew to Korea the next day.  Showing that she did care for her family and wanted to be there for her mother, even though Janie had made it seem otherwise.

Things where good within the family dynamic for a short time and the girls put aside their differences.  They spent time as a family, gardening and taking their father for walks.  Much like they had as little girls.  Fathers condition got better for a while, but soon he was weak and ended up back in the hospital after the girls had a big fight and Janie made her feelings about Hanna known to everyone.  Selfishly scolding Hanna for her behavior when she left without a trace, and how she always made everything about her.  Saying Hanna was the one who got what she wanted at any cost, no matter who it hurt.

This put a wedge back in the family, as they knew that Janie had been lying to them and the sisters were back to not speaking again.  Quickly father’s cancer came back full force and he was hospitalized.  Their family came to visit him, and the girls got a chance to see how much their father meant to other people.  They got to hear stories of the past and a side of their father they really hadn’t ever seen.  This showed them how much the parents gave up when they moved to America, and see their parents love from another angle that they never saw back home.

Father’s only sister was a trip, she constantly pushed her Christian view on them.  Saying that she could get a priest up there, and that praying would beat the cancer.  This drove the family nuts, and her constant reminders that she had put everything aside so he could have a better life wore thin on the minds of the girls and their mother.  The girls had seen this strain on their mother anytime their aunt Komo, was around as long as they could remember.  She has a knack for being thoughtless and inserting herself into the role of their father’s savior.  Reminding everyone, that she was the one who carried their father to safety when the Japanese soldiers slaughter their family and he was she had.  That she had given up everything in her life to make sure he got what he needed to be successful.  This drove their mother nuts and the girls were sick of Aunt Komo, always inserted herself where she wasn’t wanted.

Janie ends up talking to her dissertation advisor, who gives her hope that she can finish her work sooner and influences her decision to fly back to Chicago.  Her father’s condition hadn’t change much and she felt that if she could finish her work, she could make her father proud by finishing and getting her PHD.  Her selfish thoughts were not met kindly and her mother was furious.  Her father was supportive even though he didn’t want her to leave.  But her sister Hanna was supportive and said she understood why she wanted to leave.  Encouraging her to do as she felt she needed to and letting her know she would be there for her parents.

This showed Janie in another light.  Her selfish thought, which she thought would make her father proud.  Over shadowed all her mother’s pleas and the fact that Hanna stood behind her made her happy.  Things didn’t go as planned, her dissertation advisor ended up making advances over dinner and the time she was away ended up being a waste of effort.  Her father had a seizure and his condition worsened, now unable to talk and barely able to function.  She had missed precious time that could never be taken back.  All for a chance to make herself look better in his eyes, he loved he no matter what and he was proud of her, for her to do this at this time was out of character with everything she had said to Hanna about her disappearance to California.

They eventually take father to the house in the country where he had grown up, feeling that him spending his last days there would be more comfortable than in the hospital.  The trip was very hard on him and he continued to slip away.  Everyone came to visit their father, and this was tough on everyone.  They just wanted him to themselves and wanted him to die in peace.  That was their point for bringing him out here.  Their mother began to sing to him one day, and she continued at all hours only stopping when she slept.  The end was near.  They started to make plans for his death, and spent their last days with him.

Hanna had made a stand over Komo and her son coming to the funeral, and another dirty fight broke out.  The girls went back and forth, fighting in the same room as their father lay.  Janie took one last shot at her sister, saying that she was again making everything about her.  She said some very hurtful things to Hanna, and claimed she always got everything she wants.  That she was the one who got to be loved, that was the last straw and Hanna stormed out into the night.

Their father passed away while she was gone.  Janie felt guilty she had made her miss this but she sided with her mother on the issue, saying that it wasn’t up to them if Komo and Keith came.  They laid father to rest in a shallow grave up the path in a clearing looking down on the valley.  The same valley their father had told them stories about when they were young.

Before the girls left to return to the United States, they reconciled their differences.  One early morning the two girls met at the mound of dirt up in the clearing which covered their father.  They spoke a little, but ended up sitting next to each other near father’s grave in silence.  The thought of not having father anymore was deep and they were able to support one another silently through their grief. They had finally put themselves aside and were there for each other.

Forgotten Country has been one of my favorite reads in a while, maybe its cause I related the death of their father to the battles of my own loses.  Or maybe it was because Chung made it so easy to ride along watching the family rise and fall, but one thing is sure.  It made me miss my grandparents and think about the relationship my father and I have had through over the pasted twenty years and that maybe I should call him and move on.