Tomorrow I arrive in Santiago…
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Casey- May 1st
Sunday, May 1, 2016
At 4pm I found myself sitting on a fence of stone next to a patch of wild flowers. Greg Brown played through my earbuds as I gazed at the landscape: freshly tilled soil from the tractor at work, and grass spread over plots of farmland, the tops of white buildings of Portomarín in the distance. It reminded me of drives home from work during the hot summer months in California.
“Help me help me help me make it through this funky day”
I peeled an orange with my freshly cut fingernails, and watched the small droplets of citrus spray out and catch a ride in the light wind. The warm sun had colored the backs of my hands a shade darker than the rest of my arm, covered by the sleeves of Ariel’s shirt that she had left with me.
I finished the orange and dug into my bag of mixed nuts, realizing I was hungrier than I thought I was. My chapped lips stung from the salt as I noticed shadows on the pavement from the birds of prey circling overhead. I watched one swoop down to the grass, its talons outstretched. It retreated into the air again, with nothing in its grasp.
Today felt strange walking through huge crowds of people on the trail. I saw buses unload groups of at least fifty people at a time. The cafes at small pueblos along the way were packed, the lines atrociously long- thankfully I had packed a lunch and snacks for the day. Though everyone seemed to be very happy and energetic and friendly, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated and annoyed for most of the day. My time for peaceful solitude on the trail has passed. I used to be alone for miles without seeing other pilgrims, and now there is barely elbow room. We are like a trail of ants filed one after the other. I can only see this increasing as we get closer and closer to Santiago.
But I realized, sitting there on the rock today, that being frustrated is ultimately pointless, and being attached to something that once was and no longer is is the root of my suffering. I came to the Camino to learn to let go, to learn to become more open hearted, and to cultivate rainbows. Today I found myself racing for the first time- not against other people, but against myself and my own ego. I wasn’t in the flow, and I wasn’t in harmony with myself, or with my body. I was fighting when I needed to surrender.
It is honestly incredible that so many people are here, walking the Camino, regardless of their reasons for being here or where they started. What I keep forgetting to remember, something that continues to limit me from communion, is that we are all one and the same. Any degree of separation between me and another pilgrim is a complete fabrication of the ego. We are all one family here.
I had similar feelings of frustration start to well up on my way into Sarria, until I met Jan. Funny enough, she’s from San Francisco, and her daughter attended Evergreen! What a small and funny world this is. She had recently retired from her rewarding and soul filling career as a language and reading teacher for young children, and had such a pleasant and kind energy. Talking to her was like a breath of fresh air. Her compassionate spirit was truly an inspiration for me to keep opening up to others with courage and kindness.
I am thankful for today, though it was definitely one of the more challenging days. Santiago lies just four days ahead, but I feel as though it will be just a signpost. The journey continues on from there- there is no true destination, only precious, beautiful, crazy moments.
Casey- April 29th
Friday, April 29, 2016
Happiness…
Happiness is finding a simple green painted fence lined with morning glories that reminds you of your mother and far off fairy lands
Happiness is meeting a person who changes the course of your day with their upbeat attitude and kind energy, leaving you feel cleansed and refreshed.
Happiness is letting go and saying goodbye to someone you love and cherish, but have faith in seeing them again.
Rose the yogi photographer
Happiness is reuniting with old friends and sharing new stories, giggles, and yummy almond cake.
Reunited with Jordi and Miguel, who have decided to walk the last 100k with us to Santiago!
Finally, happiness is finding a colorful scarf because life is too short to not be a rainbow.
xoxoxo
Casey- April 28th
Thursday, April 28, 2016
This afternoon I went for a walk around the small town of Triacastela, and sat down on a path under the setting sun. I played with the pebbles and dirt beneath my feet, feeling the sun’s warmth play upon my hair and cheeks. I felt the coarse sand and grass against my fingertips as I drew words and pictures. I sat there for several minutes, staring at the ground, then at my feet. I stretched out my legs and reached for my toes, bowing further towards the earth.
I sat up, rose to my feet, and started slowly back down the track, only to stop momentarily against a fence as I heard the slow jingle of cow bells approaching. Three dairy cows sauntered towards me, swinging their short horns from side to side as they walked. They paused in their path to look at me. I stared back. We exchanged snorts of sorts before they continued on. Their utters hung heavy and swung in rhythm with their strong hips and tails.
I watched them pass, and headed back to my home for the night: a top bunk, my sleeping bag, a warm sweater, and the stillness of the mountains.
Tomorrow I will follow the path of that setting sun, forever heading west.
Through Rose Colored Glasses
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Today was a beautiful day up through the mountains, and it all began with a delicious, filling breakfast. Rose and I had been planning on making surprise pancakes for our group for about a week now, and this morning was the perfect opportunity- our hostel came equipped with a small stove, a glorious cast iron pan, and a spatula. We went right to work at six thirty. Rose was halfway through pouring the batter into the pan before I realized that pancakes in England are really more like crepes. Even better! So we made banana and Nutella crepes, with a side of hearty oatmeal with raisins. Yum!
Then began our climb up the mountain to O’Cebreiro. It was only a 12k hike, so Rose and I took our time, pausing to stop and admire the landscape (and catch our breath) frequently. It was nice to feel like we were in no rush- it gave us ample time to enjoy ourselves and appreciate our surroundings. At the beginning of our walk as we approached the mountain, we stumbled upon a group of people riding horses. We were tempted to ask if we could join them, but I was happy to just witness them pass us by and hear the sound of the horse’s steps as they climbed the rock. Rose reminisced about her childhood horseback riding, and I felt a bit homesick for my own pets back home. Rose and I had a delightful conversation about our love for animals, and how our interactions with them at a young age taught us how to be more gentle, compassionate, and appreciative of other living creatures.
We stopped in to a really lovely veggie cafe with hammock chairs and home made juices and little toddlers running around, and sat down to journal and relax for a bit (Rose almost nodded off in a hammock…the altitude and sleep deprivation might be getting to us).
After we left and continued uphill, we made another stop to lay in a field and have some cheese on bread we had packed that morning for a picnic. We felt very moved by these mountains- and the fact that we had walked across them.
Picnic in the profound silence of the mountains
“It’s weird to think that it’s odd to be walking all this way, because cars and trains are our main way of travel… But there was a time when this is how we saw the world, this is how we got around.” Rose said. Walking is a lifestyle, or even an art form, that has gone dormant in the developed world. I often wonder what it will be like when I return home. I don’t think things will ever be the same as they once were, given all that I’ve experienced out here. And that gives me hope for the future, though I have no way of knowing what it holds or how I will feel.
“Change is the only constant thing in life,” Rose says to me often. She will be leaving our group in a few days; she needs to speed up her pace in order to make it to Santiago on time. This makes me very sad, and I will miss her terribly. But I’m thankful for the time I’ve been gifted to spend with her, walking and cooking and doing yoga, and for all the wisdom and insight and good humor she’s shared with me. She is a beautiful soul. She told me that through yoga, she discovered that “life is play,” and she truly embodies it. I’ll always remember how she kissed her rock at the Cruz de Fuerra before tossing it over her shoulder and onto the pile of stones. I will miss her playful spirit. She said to me tonight, “Grief is for people who believe in endings.” And I hope that our time together here on the Camino will not be our last.
When I gazed out over the mountains today, I felt so humbled, lucky, and small all at the same time. These huge mounds of earth had stood tall for ages, shaped by earthquakes, weather, time, and man. And I climbed them today with a wonderful friend under the sun and the mist. What an amazing gift!
Old Friends and B(earth)day Wishes
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
For my birthday this year I received many wonderful gifts: a glorious hike through the woods, a relaxing massage, a beautiful handmade card from a fellow pilgrim, and a visit from my dear friend from high school, Ariel.
Me and Ariel out to dinner in Astorga
I’ll admit I was both excited and nervous while walking to the León cathedral, where we had agreed to meet. It had been at least two years since we had seen each other. She had just spent the last eight months traveling around the world, wrapping up her trip in Spain to visit her host family (she spent a semester abroad about a year and a half ago) and to join me on the Camino for a few days.
She greeted me with a wide beaming smile, skipping towards me with a floral dress and butterfly printed leggings, her hair cut into a short wild curly bob.
She gave me a big hug and said, “I’m so excited to see you!! And to eat churros!”
Oh, how I had missed her.
It was such a lovely and insightful experience to reconnect on the Camino! Lovely because she is such a delightful spirit to be around, insightful because we uncovered a lot of our past that had begged to be addressed and mended. The first day we walked together old wounds resurfaced within a matter of moments, and we found ourselves in the perfect place to discuss them with love and emotional maturity- something we weren’t capable of in the past. The Camino was the perfect place to make amends and move forward in our friendship- something we both wanted. I am pleased to know that she will be living only about two hours away from Olympia; she’ll be attending Western Washington University in the fall.
Rose, Ariel, Jess and I all enjoying a picnic on the floor
We talked about many things on our long days of walking together, discussing past conflicts that happened not only between us but in our friend group, old boyfriends, etc. Talking with Ariel on the Camino made me realize there are others from my past whom I never had closure with, or I never apologized to. There are times on the road when I wish I could beam them in, to see them and hug them and tell them how sorry I am for ever causing them pain. I’ve been struggling with the idea of sending these people letters- some apologies are way overdue, and I wonder if by reaching out now I’ll be mending wounds or just picking at scabs. This contemplation can sometimes be quite arduous and so I was thankful to have Ariel’s input when she was here. She is a wonderful friend.
We also had a conversation regarding the importance of mindful speech and manifesting our own realities. I recently finished a book by Paulo Coelho, Brida. There was a part of it that discussed the concept that “God is in the word,” and that whatever words you speak sends an intention out into the universe. When my birthday came around, Ariel told me to speak my wishes aloud after blowing out the candles. “If you keep them to yourself, how can you expect them to manifest into reality?” she said.
The more positively we talked about things happening to us on the Camino, the happier and lighter we felt, and the more positive energy we felt emitting out into the world. The more we spoke and acted from a place of love, the better our days became.
The day before my birthday has always been Earth day, which has been so much more exciting to me in recent years than my actual birthday. Exactly two years ago on Earth day, I taught my first yoga class (guess what, it was Earth day themed). But I think every day should be a celebration of the Earth. I reflected on the Camino on the importance of this day- the Camino is saving the planet in many ways! Every year the Camino prevents over one million people from driving cars for at least 30 days, saves millions of wasted plastic bottles and such (everyone has a water bottle or camelback) and water waste from toilets and showers. The Camino is a beautiful thing. I’m so thankful for the gifts it brings.
Ariel enjoying the flowers and sunshine on Earth day
xoxoxo